I pause in silence. Honoring the fallen that still forge this ground with mystery and memory. Your vacancy leaves stains permanent and pressing. Questioning – even the questions to ask.
Undoubtedly I doubt my ability to heal, to offer healing – to rise as the correct antidote to this grief virus. It spreads and lingers indefinitely.
The responsibility of maintaining your legacy is a burden I struggle to bear. I force movements in baby steps. It feels like I need to learn to walk and talk all over again. All the normal that surrounded me falls deep in yesterdays cavern and refuses to budge. I don’t ever want to forget you for one moment of my life (her life – his life), now left without you. All the mist that surrounds me in your honor I preserve in buckets – to pass on to every aching body that allows.
Is it enough?
Will the liquid that flows and the rivers that run in your name, ever be enough?
How can I separate the stones to smooth out the good from the bad?
I need for all whispers of you to be only of your glory. The life you gave, the hope you ensued, the hands that comforted – the dreams you inspired. This I pray for your children and for your children’s children. So that their memory too, will sing only the songs of joy.
Today I want to put skin around my words
Turn sentences into limbs
And reach across the seas
Finding my way to your door
My blankets of consoling will never do this moment justice
History has been broken
A tear in life’s time table
“Why” lingers at the footsteps you watched from birth
Hands by your side that can’t seem to bring enough healing
Trouble feels so beyond
What you can mend
Warmth can roam
Beyond our flesh
Far past aching bone
It will make its way back
Where darkness looms
Where loss and heartbreak
Now claim this room
Bows break future moments
Lingering in our present
Floating in the in-between
But hands do breathe volumes
When crashing into tragedies door
Look now and know
What strength they hold
Barriers breaking as we speak