Homesick

Circumstance has led me out of my hometown. A place where my comfort, almost three years later, still lies. My oldest friends still live there along the hillsides and surroundings I often wish were still out my back window. I’ve spent much of my time in this new town and new life working, face down in my computer. Laying down pieces of me along each stretch of road, attempting to build a better life. I did not leave my place of birth because the grass seemed greener, I left because the opportunities to stay faded alongside millions of others with the economy.
I often miss my old life. I thought for a long time I needed it. Whether it was to make me whole, or validate my friendships, or even possibly just the security of the same. When I sit and really think about where I was before moving, I realize it was not so different than where I am now — as if I was being prepared.  I had already lost touch with too many people. I was feeling lonely and alienated, changing jobs and not being able to hang on to those relationships . . . even though we pinky-sweared.
It all came down to the pains of getting older. People in different paths and twisting inside their own life choices. It was never an issue of me no longer being loved or needed, but of the elastic that stretches and breaks, and no one is to blame. I used to think I tried. That I put out effort to keep the people I loved in my life and hang onto the walls that made me feel safe. I used to think that it was enough. I did try, but change is more powerful than try.
Years have passed and it is okay. I am rooting (late) in where I need to be at this moment. Working on being present in this beautiful piece of the world God has blessed me with. Where ever I am, I will make it beautiful, and the people that are meant to be threaded into my path, will be — and will remain.
Every day brings extraordinary things. I see them now. Finally. I am open and ready for what tomorrow brings and the truly amazing people that keep appearing. A new day is here, has been knocking for a long time, and will stay as long as I continue to see it. My choice.

Take a moment to breath and acknowledge TODAY’s gifts.

 
 
 
 

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6 comments

  1. Beautifully written post. I’ve started to realize that where we are right now is exactly
    where we’re supposed to be – if we stop struggling against it, so many
    more extraordinary things happen!

    1. Thank you Heather 🙂 Amazing how that happens huh? Being present can be so difficult, but it sure does change everything. Life is much more beautiful when you don’t always have a foot in the past. xoxo

  2. I can see the poet in you with this line “but of the elastic that stretches and breaks.” So much in that line…it sounds like you are coming to a place of acceptance and joy…where is your hometown, if you don’t mind me asking? Happy Friday, Jessica 🙂

    1. Thank you for reading Dolly! Born and raised in Sonoma County. 🙂 I know live closer to Sacramento. It has been an adjustment but I am finally (slowly) adjusting.
      Much love to you. xoxo

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