Heavy Burden

Many lay under my wing. Small in stature and large in opinion.  I have lived longer with responsibility in my years, than I have not.  Dependent upon my words, money, caring hands and not always healing attempts. I do know that my hands heal.  I see them glow through my skin as they lay upon your tiny hands.  You inspire me with your eyes while killing me with your innocence.  Your sweet nature is debilitating. Makes me weak… so I give out cookies much more than I should.

I don’t want to fail you. Flaws murmur through my thoughts and bury in my roots. How can I prevent that from crossing over?  When will my mistakes become humorous so that your world can be perfect again? My wings don’t always reach completely around you. I feel so guilty for that. I want to shelter you from every wrongly tossed word and every bite the world attacks you with… but my wings are so heavy.

I am far from perfect – my actions stain my future. My future with you and your hopes of tomorrow. I don’t want to be the destructor of dreams or crush any part of your beautiful reality.  You break me with those arms. Moving me in your direction while I force my supposed “life knowledge” on you.  I think you know more than me.  Closer to God with those eyes, so much closer to Him with your heart.  I wish I would never forget that warmth.  Bits and pieces of truth filter through you and make their way back, to my stream of consciousness.  I am so grateful for what blaring sun you bring and the constant reminder that – we only walk on water.

We Walk on Water

Sanity’s smile
A long lost counter part to my red wine lips
Anchored down by a force so strong
It bends my elbow back and forces a crooked spine
Blanketed by dust remains from your cremated bones
Comforting me yet
Diamond smile – but by creation only
Quick to falter as I make the wrong choice

What a masterpiece I have created in my soul’s foliage
It is shaped of stars with scented breezes
Your name whispered through as the wind pulled me back
Centered in a foreboding moment

Because I hear you

You call me to where you are… and I still remember it
Soothing spring to my raging tsunami

No moments silence for the bright sun that lay across this sea
Reflections of a peace that truly does pass all understanding
Because I am what image you are

You are
What is the deepest image of me(?)
I still have yet to know

(God)

Down on bended knee
As my bluest aqua blue
Reminds me of a bitter truth

I must change

 

Visit: One Stop Poetry

 

My sweet Twitter friend May Kosba brought this song to my attention after reading my blog. It fits perfectly and is so beautiful!

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38 comments

  1. This is *exactly* how it feels to be a parent. Especially of young ones, when they are so full of life and questions, and so certain in your ability to provide the answers. This is exquisite…masterfully done.

  2. This woman constantly amazes me with her poetic grace. Her words create such a powerful tapestry of passion and longing. “Heavy Burden” and “Walk on Water” complement each other so effectively. So many lines I could highlight:
    “I want to shelter you from every wrongly tossed word and every bite the world attacks you with… but my wings are so heavy….”
    or “What a masterpiece I have created in my soul’s foliage/It is shaped of stars with scented breezes/Your name whispered through as the wind pulled me back/Centered in a foreboding moment”

    I feel pulled into the world of her passionate heart so completely through her words.

    If you are not following her blog, reading her transcendent words or following her on Twitter @jesskristie — you are truly missing out.

    George Pappas
    Sometime poet, author of novel “Monogamy Sucks”

  3. I know I read this earlier and swear I commented!!! Anyhow well worth coming back, I really do like to leave comments when I read something…an autograph of sorts, lol. 🙂

    ~ Such strong in-depth emotion, this is amazing without any doubt the wonder where to place ourselves, in heart, love, and even religious realms…myself being more spiritual of thought, life has it’s many imperfections, as I, but I think it all breaks down somehow, if we are generally good people within, good to each other.

    Your words, they speak in volumes Jess, and you putting it to use..as I..the pains of life, loss, love, tragedy, heartache, this to me is as close as one can get to which you seek. No judgements. Though I have my own longings for certain aspects of life, holding on to what is within is most important. ~That is where many of you come in to my life, helping to KEEP it, as I go through things I don’t speak of much…in poetry….
    it connects closely to others…
    yours is such a gift, I hope you always keep it close at heart as such. Incredibly influential, and this one in particular very beautiful. VERY! ~April

    1. Your comment was so thoughtful and beyond appreciated. You and I are the same as we need this form to release so much of our overwhelming emotions. They come out in many forms as you know… spiritual, sadness… whatever it may be. So happy to have other people in my life like you to share this with. I adore you my sweet April. ?

  4. Accurate. As a parent, I always felt torn between generations – wanting to pay forward the gifts I received and at the same time not wanting to make what I perceived were those mistakes. Oddly it turns out..it’s all perception. My passed on “gifts” were viewed as mistakes and things I ached and recriminated over didn’t seem to leave any lasting impression on my now grown children.

    Parenting confuses me more the older I get. I know it’s a blessing and grandchildren even more so. Answers to mysteries get grayer the older I get; but I identified with your beautiful composition in so many ways. Excellent write. Thank you, Gay @beachanny

  5. A revelation, a deep undercurrent of yearning throughout – set up beautifully by that little intro you gave, Jess. It’s a piece that commands quiet reflection, and self-examination. Its descriptions stem from its own potent out-pour of emotion…it conceals within it a great depth, that rings and reverberates in the mind of those who read it. Change, recognition, uncertainty…all powerful feelings. Perception – just as potent. And all of these are stirred…

    Lovely write. Hope my babbling made some sense. Mind’s a little scattered at the moment. I think it’s about time I grabbed some dinner…I’m fading here! 😛 Great piece for this week, though, Jess.

    1. Aw, thank you Chris you made tons of sense! Your descriptions and interpretations are always so thoughtful. Not to mention deep in and of themselves. 🙂 I always appreciate the beautiful things you have to say and extremely appreciative you took the time to read! ?

  6. Wonderful expression of searching for inner peace; peace that passes understanding—echos of The Wasteland I thought I heard. “It is shaped of stars with scented breezes / Your name whispered through as the wind pulled me back / Centered in a foreboding moment.” There is openness and vulnerability revealed in your moving poem, Jess. smiles

    1. Thank you! No Burden heavier then trying to balance peace, spirituality, and what of these things we pass to our Children. Realizing that because of these responsibilities, we have to change. Thank you for reading. 🙂

  7. what is your deepest image of me…my fav stanza…your words are rich…as is the richness that comes with the burden of our children…happy one shot

  8. It’s wonderful to be getting to know another poet Mommy who writes about this job! And what an excellent job you did expressing the beautiful burden we have as parents. I also write a lot about parenthood, check out my recent “on days like this” on my page when you can. (you can just look in the archives under “poems on parenthood” for a look-thru)
    See you again soon!
    Heather

  9. “What a masterpiece I have created in my soul’s foliage
    It is shaped of stars with scented breezes…”

    your language is exquisite, the reflectiveness at the end grounding the aetherial imagery earlier, bringing the whole to a place relate-able on many levels. brava!

  10. Jessica,
    This is a beautiful poem. Your use of imagery had me right there alongside the narrator. There is a lot to think about when reading this poem. The story in the beginning is something that each and every one of us can relate to. Thank you so much for sharing.
    Corbie Sinclair

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