I wish the moon would bring light through the window.  Tonight, like so many nights before, just darkness.  It is too dark to see even shadows, and the blackness seems to consume me like an overgrown coat.  It does not speak — and it will not listen.  The quiet burns, and I so desperately want to be heard.  I want tomorrow to be different, but I know there is nothing about this evening that hints of impending change.  Little feet will still need shoes and my cupboards will still be bare.

When I get up from this bed – all the pain,
it will,

still be there.

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  1. Jung’s nigredo, when blackness is so complete and so endless, so tellingly captured in your words. While there cannot be blackness without light, when the light of morning comes, the blackness goes within and there seems to be no end to pain. What is one to do, other than to accept its presence, but not to become it; to feel it, but to go on with life?

  2. This is a rite of passage. It is part of growth and change- let it flow through you. Taste it, feel it. Do not fight it or deny it. Do not flee.
    As torturous as it is, it is the key to a more fulfilling life. The key to happiness and light.
    It will pass. Promise.

  3. The dark is hard, unforgiving, and seems endless. You will get through, eventually. One step, another. Keep walking and it eventually gets lighter.
    Not that you probably need opinions, advice, anything. You are strong enough to get through this.

    1. You are sweet and I will always pause and listen to advice or inspiring words. I appreciate all you have to give. My emptiness is fleeting but so real when it hits. I never let it stay long. This is just a moment in my time-line that stings every now and again. Thank you for reading sweetie. ?

  4. Living in a dark room. So much to recognize. You describe it pain strikingly precise. The moon cannot enlighten the dark. Even the sun is not able to do so. We can walk around, smile, make fun, but that dark remains. Deep inside. I learn to live with it.

  5. Did you know that they incorrectly call Prince Hamlet, the “Melancholy Dane”? It was actually a giant pink and green dog with brown spots that looked like seeds. True story…

  6. This is haunting in its portrayal of real pain.
    “When I get up from this bed – all the pain,
    it will,
    still be there.”
    Makes me hope the morning light broke through…
    Thanks for your kind words over at my blog, and a big congrats on your book!!!

  7. sometimes not even a loaf of bread ~ Oh Jess immediately heartfelt but then you get straight to it ~ I so know that place ~ but you’ll never guess what I did on one such soaked rainy day ‘made magic shoes’ 🙂 ~ Lib ((hugs you)) x x

  8. Ouch.. but this is so true for many people, I suppose..
    And the feeling with which you have said it here, makes it seem too real..
    A sad read.. but very nicely done, Jess…

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