Demolition

The aftermath of your deception numbs like snow beneath my bare feet.  My tourniquet of fishing wire brings no relief, but there is freedom in the sound of my skin bruising.  My blood clots in your name.  Your devastation is legendary – as was your romance.

Too many times the path of least resistance was my chosen direction.  Temporary peace from a cracked sky.  Burning page after burning – pre-determined page. I wrote that end long ago. Often I closed my eyes, but I always knew the direction of the wind.  Holding up my finger to test, dipping my toe in to ease my way. I refuse pity even though my wounds are deep.  Running underground and with motions swift – while I am still floundering upstream.

Your language is empty – poverty and earthquake stricken. Broken buildings of your soul lay upon my limbs and I haven’t eaten for days. You manage to always strike quickly with each falling sword of tongue and hand.  I gasp for breath beneath the weight of your heavy but so very empty grasp. I am challenged by your eyes as they attack like daggers. Stumbling upon your back, you pin me up against every wall that stands in your way.

 

Every wall that looks at you with indifference

Every wall that displays even an ounce of weakness

My hands feel like the biggest barrier to redemption. They keep me here listening to the outside while my true life crumbles within a bubble of my own past, present and put-off future. The morning comes again while the moon has left me here with only what you give.

This Mourning

There was so much you could have given me this morning
A smile
A touch from your sweet lips
The taste of your tongue
I could have been drenched in the ecstasy of your finger tips
Lost within your soulful smile

I should have awoken to the sounds of the morning
Breathing down my side
Yet…

I was awakened by the leather of your belted words
And the creaking of my stunted heart
No effort for my healing

I am captured in this forgotten mourning
Twisted in this laid out fate
Drunk amidst your desperate mentions

Lost behind a rescue
Too little too late

 

•You have to go to YouTube to watch the video, but worth it. Hit Play-then watch on YouTube•

 

 

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32 comments

  1. So much power and sadness behind your words, but all the more beautiful because you reveal intimate vulnerabilities. As always, your words are striking and lovely, like you.?

  2. It’s hard to describe everything I feel reading your words Jess, because I understand the emotions on some odd personal level too.
    A yearning or a wish for things to change, that don’t seem to ever. Off-balance, one-sided, and often used & abused by the one lacking the same strong emotions. What once was warm, becoming cold & callous. Yet oddly still has a grasp. “Lost behind a rescue” <~~ as I look at these words I see awareness, that isn't…quite so lost. So strange though, so strong that is felt at certain moments.
    As I search my life I discover a lot that can help in some way through others, art, music, and writing as this. When people view my work they see so much of this sweet romantic view. One more depicted through "inner-eyes" balance I suppose wished. Life however…need I say more….
    A lovely lady, you may enjoy reading as well, her name is Rue ~ @RuesBlueStars on twitter ~ fairly new there I believe. Her blog: http://heartofthemermaid.blogspot.com/ ~ her latest post: "To the Father I Never Had" amazed me in its impressions, so I wrote in my comment. She effected me to tears in a public poetry posting on blip for me. If known the whys you'd understand how I'd be so emotional (perhaps you already do..know in some ways)
    ~Sometimes I am rendered speechless, I found myself in that mode with much gratitude to Rue, hard to describe, and as I read your words I feel that same sense of awe. Though obviously "speechless" has me writing this "book" to you, lol…really I can't help but sit and reflect a little while before typing.
    ~You, your work…incredible.
    Thank you for this! ~April

  3. I lack the words to adequately express the feelings that run through my soul after reading you musings. If I could show you then maybe you would understand that I am amazed by the beauty of your thoughts. If I am ever blessed with a tenth of your talent I will be remembered long after death.

  4. Fabulous writing though sad, you capture the pain of love leaving, gone…without rescue…extremely painful – great references to poverty and earthquake….glad I stopped into read…bkm

    1. Thanks for reading!

      I made that note up above the video cause you have to watch it on youtube =( It fit so well and the video itself is super powerful so I wanted to add it anyway. Click on play then “watch on youtube” if you haven’t seen the video yet.

      Love to you! XO

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